Is the Shanghai woman bad fame true ?
Posté par ITgium le 22 février 2016
Has the Shanghai woman a strong personality ?
A slight understanding of a widespread rumor
Since I arrived in China many years ago, I’ve often heard a strange music that sometimes hurt my ears.
According to so many voices from all over China, the Shanghai woman is unique, a one-of-a-kind.
That diplomatic words conceal a much more complex reality.
So far, I have heard a variety of views on her, all sorts of things, not always complacent. Here, just a few: she would be temperamental, heavy-handed, dominant and capricious. Probably, the most controversial, is that she would treat her husband as a slave, otherwise as her own puppy.
These epithets provide an apparently evidence of her basic nature, she has a strong personality. At the end, she looks as a fascinating figure but heavily criticized.
Looking for the truth
As I traveled all over China, I became increasingly aware to figure out what has prompted this torrent of indelicate remarks, some quite a bit offensive.
Regardless of the place, every time I asked the same question.
- What do you think of the shanghai woman?
Nothing more. Rather neutral, isn’t it? Generally, it took between one to five seconds to my counterparts to express their thoughtful views about the topic. Looking for any clue, I listen to them with great attention and indeed with great respect.
Always, the same remarks, the ones I mentioned above. Sometimes the mere reference to her creates a feeling of fear.
Beyond the rumor
It is easier to simply latch on to a rumor rather than dig beneath the surface. I am not the kind of man to be carried away by much of a collective hysteria.
On a search of the truth, it is essential to take a much more moderate and less dramatic approach to the issue. I want to hear from both parties, sit down and try to understand. Therefore, I have to stop beating about the bush and, at last, raise the real question: who is she?
I ended up going to Shanghai
At first, I took as a guinea pig my friends wives.
Some got married since long with their “Shanghai sweetheart” as they mentioned her through a soft voice, their eyes sparkling with love.
I must confess that most are lovely, elegant, well dressed and commonly educated.
Most of the couples I met have beautiful children, Eurasians or Chinese.
Apparently, my friends built exemplary families as can be dreamed.
As my friends entertained me, their wives were smiling carefully, serving tea and biscuits.
I bear witness to what I have seen, my friends feel very comfortable.
My conclusion: the Shanghai women are kind-hearted, tender, loving and family-oriented. Frankly, there’s nothing to add: well done!
Behind the curtains
Behind the smoked-glass façade of their tawdry apartments, beneath the persona of the « angel of the house » is she a really nice one?
« Things are not always as they seem » once said the Phaedrus, the Roman fabulist.
I acknowledge that I must not trust appearances that are often misleading.
Without waiting, I intruded myself into my friend’s intimacy, not in a gentle way. I trapped them into their kitchen, the place of all the truths, good and bad. With a commanding voice, I asked them a once indelicate question: “Are you happy with your life?”
- Stay mute! said the first.
- Mind your own business! protested vehemently another one.
- I have always avoided talking about my private life! exclaimed the latest.
Few agreed to talk about the issue. Few accepted to share their inner feelings. I thought that their attitude could be summarized in a single word: hypocrisy. Now I was at the point where I should not handle them with kid gloves. Needless to say, I pushed further my question, this time, a tough one: “Did you hear about the shanghai women devastating reputation?”
- Is there any? asked one.
- Girly starlets gossip! I will not engage in that kind of thing, told another one
- I am surprised by the arrogance and contempt of your question, stated this one. If you are unlucky, that’s your problem! Don’t forget this: rumors don’t care what’s true.
- I have heard about some approximations, pointed out a long time a Shanghai native. As far as I experienced in my private life, these rumors seem to be absolutely unfounded. Look my wife! Knowing all that stuff, do you think I married her?
I told to myself: If they were really unfortunate in their wedding, they would have confessed something. Still nothing!
Knocking on Shanghai women door
Since I was confused, I ventured to talk to her directly somewhere on streets. I settled down in a Starbucks a day long, waiting for my prey. After several hours, I got one, an angel face in her early thirties. She was wearing a long black gothic dress, the feet with high heels.
- Is it true that the reputation of the shanghai woman is controversial? I asked her.
- This is an awkward misleading question! she answered abruptly.
She at once moved away.
The second one was a really gorgeous woman like a channel model, a slender silhouette perfectly in line with her beauty.
Same question.
- Is that sexual harassment? Are you aware that you have harmed me saying this? She said looking at me in fury.
Then she went away.
I trembled and I was ashamed.
I thought that I really want to keep going my interviews but of course I don’t want to go to jail. Is it worth the risk? So I softened my interview.
Less than an hour after, a woman sat down in front of me. She had a highly noble appearance with a lot of charm and expression. She took out of her cloth bag an impressive-looking book. I squinted at its title: “The Universe in a Nutshell”, a Stephen Hawking’s classic on theoretical physics.
- I went through it in my academic years, I mentioned to her directly.
She smiled and said.
- Last year, I read “A Brief History of Time”. I loved so much! Great thoughts, not the average ones! When I find a book I like, I seek out others by the author to see what else they have to offer.
- I sometimes tell myself that I am proud and grateful to live in the same planet that Stephen Hawking, I answered. Despite his debilitating disease, he has a clear and unobstructed view of our destiny.
- How do you behave so that your personal destiny merges with the destiny of the Universe? She asked me.
- One thing I’m certain is that the human being comes to earth with a fixed purpose and he cannot escape his destiny, I answered.
- Hum! Are you really sure of that? Let me recite to you this Stephen Hawking quote; “I have noticed that even those who assert that everything is predestined and that we can change nothing about it still look both ways before they cross the street”
Then she started reading the book handling at the right hand a cappuccino.
I remained silent a while.
While she was on her way to leave the coffee bar, I restarted speaking.
- Could I ask a question for a little bit clarification?
- Sounds good if you say it kindly, with a broad smile on her face.
- I will try my best! I don’t want to be rude but I heard something about the shanghai women. She has the reputation to be a difficult person.
- Yes, definitely she is! she replied, with a twinkle in her eye.
- Finally! I’ve got the right answer, the one I expected so much. I feel better now.
- Really?
- I interviewed a bunch of friends. They all said that their wives were loving, full of kindness and concern for their family. Hum! They all lied. Unscrupulous mates!
- You are obviously wrong! They are right! she interrupted me turning the pages of the book. Look! Stephen Hawking once said. “If you understand how the universe operates, you control it in a way”. Exactly the same for a shanghai woman. This is purely a physics law, the life basic determinants! Think quietly and calmly about this! When will you come to the maturity necessary of thinking, call me!
I did it a couple of weeks later.
Then a story that goes like this: “News told, rumors heard, truth implied, facts buried.”
François de la Chevalerie
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